I’d like to think that some of my strongest work came when they were emotionally driven. And as intense as they can be, they can come at a cost.

Take the photo below for example. It was for a project from many years ago. I can’t remember the theme at the time, but it was originally meant to be an exercise in my early days of photography and learning to use a flash. However, deep down, I think there was some hidden meaning to it as well.

I went through a few dark periods in my life and I would like to think that I used my photography to get me through some of those moments. Truth be told, some of those moments still haunt me to this day.

But this isn’t meant to be a discussion of my struggles. It’s more of an understanding of how I have translated my feelings into my work.

A lot of times I have photographed something without having realized the impact it would have on me later. Perhaps this is a subconscious thing. I see it as my mind knows what it is truly thinking and my instincts pull the camera to my eye to shoot the nearest thing that resembles that thought. As if it has become an instinctive reaction in me.

A photo might not speak to me for days, weeks or months later. I see it as a return to a thought that once compelled me to take a photo, but then was satiated once it was taken. It is only at a later period that I recall the image and the fleeting moment and emotions that it brought to me at the time.

I won’t pretend to be fully aware of each moment that I take a photo. Many times, I approach it as something of interest that I am perhaps subconsciously wanting to take, but am completely unaware of the actual reason. I don’t know if that’s a skill that I’ll ever truly be able to master, but then again, is it something that I actually want to master or to just let it happen?

I think with photography, there is always that innate feeling of what we believe to be fascination with the world. And for the most part, it truly is. But deep down I think there is a lot more to what we do as artists. Whether it be through songs, canvas, or photographs, we put a bit of ourselves in what we see, just as much as what we see puts in us.

*P.S. - I am OK, really. Difficult moments aside, sometimes these newsletters are a bit of an outlet for me and are not to reflect how I am in my current state.

That being said, if you are experiencing mental health issues, please reach out to a professional for help. It really does make a difference.

“All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are."
- Robin Williams

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